Hello beautiful people!
Okay so this one is just for my ladies, but guys you can come along too. Just don’t get mad at the truths I’m about to unveil which have the potential to ruin your ‘game’.
Alright, let’s go ladies. Have you ever been, or are you in a relationship where you feel single? Do you feel like you’re the only one putting in the work? Are you trying so hard, maybe a little too hard to make it work but your partner is not pulling his weight? Does he keep giving ‘reasons’ why he’s not ready to settle down but wants to play house? Or do you just not have peace in your spirit if he is the one for you? Yes? Then this post is for you. I’ll tell you something that hurts me so deeply; seeing a fellow sister so hung up on a man who doesn’t even think twice about her, so desperate to get the attention of a man who would give it to everything and everyone else but her, a fellow sis who would go above and beyond for a man who won’t do same for her. There are very few things in this life that break my heart and this is one of them. I literally feel their pain and frustration, like, it hurts me SO much because I was once that girl. I really want to reach out to someone, even if it’s just one lady out there who might be in a position like this and simply doesn’t know what to do. Sis, I got you.
First things first, let’s throw it all the way back to the very first relationship/marriage in the Bible. Please read Genesis 2:21-24 real quick. Adam was with God when God caused him to fall into a deep sleep before making Eve (v 21). Quick check: is the man you are pining for in God? Does He spend alone time with God? I’m not asking if he goes to church or is involved in church activities. I’m asking, does he have a personal relationship with God? Does God come first in his life? These are the things you should look out for in a man sis, not how fine he is or how much money he’s got, even though those things count too. I’m saying, this should be your yardstick if you’re looking to settle down with a God fearing man. That’s number one.
Number 2. After God made the woman, He brought her to Adam (v22c: and He brought her to him. NIRV). Are you hearing me sis? He brought her, to, him. If she was not there with God in that moment, how could he have brought her? If you are looking to be a wife, you should be with God first! If you put God first, have a close relationship with Him and your spirit is sensitive and accessible to Him, you will always know what He wants for you and that includes your man/husband! You know how you’ve met some guys in your life but after a few interactions, you just knew, something in you told you they weren’t for you? Yup, that was your spirit. We are spirit beings and God speaks to us through our spirit, therefore if you have unrest, doubts and confusion in your spirit about someone, you should know they are not for you because God is not the author of confusion! With Him you don’t have to play the “Is it him” game (3y3 wei anaa 3ny3 wei lol). You will KNOW! This is the second biggest choice of your life (first is salvation), do you really think God won’t be crystal clear with you on that? The only reason why we say we don’t know is because we’ve allowed our feelings to cloud our judgement. Ladies, you are not really ready to be a Christian wife if you are still playing house with a man. At a wedding ceremony, my pastor, Rev Isaac Nyame gave the most vivid illustration of sex before marriage which made me and probably every other non-virgin in the room wonder why we ever gave it away. He likened it to one of the cheapest commodities on the market; a sachet of water which is 10 pesewas. He said as cheap as that is, you can’t even ask the seller to let you taste before buying, but with our bodies, we just give it freely to men who haven’t paid a dime for it (performed customary rites). I had never thought of it like that and I must admit, seeing it in that light pinched my heart a little.
Number 3. When God brought the woman to Adam, he immediately recognized her and named her (v 23). This right here should settle any issue you have with a man who won’t commit fully to you. A godly man also KNOWS who his wife is. He doesn’t play games with her or keep her wondering if she’s the one and certainly wastes no time in making her his wife! I have heard from many great men of God who said they knew their wives were the one, mostly from their very first encounter with them. So if a man is stringing you along indefinitely, enjoying the benefits of marriage but hasn’t married you and is still telling you to give him time, please take a few minutes and analyze your relationship dear sis.
Now I’ve been told several times how I could get any man I wanted because of my looks but let me tell you it’s not about being able to get any man you want, nope, don’t even pride yourself in that as if it were some top skill. It is about being with the man God who wants you to be with. At the end of the day, it is really up to God. We are so good at forcing situations and trying to make God bless it when we didn’t even ask Him beforehand if it was the right thing to do and we do the same with our relationships. Lord knows how many times I’ve done that; taking a man from nowhere and willing him to be mine, to be my husband and praying for God to bless the union as if I had even sought His opinion first! I’m going to need all of you ladies to take a minute and reflect on your current or past relationships. Are you (or have you been) running after God or after a man (or men)?
Pastor Mensah Otabil once preached that we do see the warning signs and red flags in a relationship but we just choose to ignore them and I think it is because in that moment, we have decided by ourselves that this is the person we want to be with so no matter what, we’re staying, almost as though if we left, we wouldn’t find anyone else. If only we would submit our desires and wants to God, He would take them and give us the most refined version because He knows best! I almost got a counterfeit husband just before my hubs came along, because at that time, I hadn’t fully surrendered to God. He looked like exactly what I wanted in a husband but something was missing and I knew it (it was the God factor). If I had gone ahead with that anyway, I won’t be the happy Christian wife that I am, sharing this with you today.
Let me remind you my dear sisters that this is a judgement free zone. I only want all my sisters in Christ to experience the amazing love He has for us through our husbands, the right way. Borrowing a line from my sis in Christ, Lady Adara Butler, please remember that you are marriage material, not mattress material.
If you’re currently going through challenging times and you’d like a listening ear, some encouragement or motivation, please contact me here: firstname.lastname@example.org