Posted in Inspirational, Straight Outta My Heart

The Unofficial Wife

Hello beautiful people!

Today, I watched a Facebook video by one Mrs. Winnie Osagie, who was talking about girlfriends playing the wifey role and boy did she preach!! I really wish I could upload the video here but unfortunately I couldn’t save it; however you can check it out on her Facebook page: Win Women Fellowship. This is a message that has been on my heart for a long time, always is actually because it is one of the things God saved me from before I met my amazing husband, and also something I desire so strongly for all girlfriends/wives-to-be to know. I noticed some guys in the comments section didn’t like her message because obviously it went against them but this truth has to be told! I am so passionate about this and I pray at least 1 sister will get this.

So first things first: ladies, if a man has not married you, please stay in your parents’ house till he comes for you the right way. Oh I can stay here all day. Moving in with the boyfriend and playing wife has become so normalized that we’ve forgotten the way it’s really supposed to be. Now you know I’m not one to judge, I couldn’t even if I wanted to because I was the chief culprit of this. Auntie madam, top girlfriend-wifey, you couldn’t tell me nothing. I would cook, clean, wash clothes, play nice with the family and give my body willingly, all in the name of being a girlfriend.

Oh Dzifa!!!

I was the unofficial wife, the girlfriend giving him wife privileges and so he had no reason to make it official. Why pay for something you can have for free? Even with apps on our phones that give free trials, we mostly cancel the subscription when the free trial ends and we have to pay for it because we’d rather have it for free. I have been there and done all these things so believe me when I say this is not the life for you, dear sis. Of course in that moment, you won’t see anything wrong with it. I know I didn’t. My mom, bless her, spoke to me out of love and concern for me, to come back home because I was practically living with this guy I was seeing but did I listen to her? The consequences of my disobedience are stories for another blog post. When you stay in that situation long enough, you actually begin to believe and accept it as normal and trust me, it is not! Can you believe at a point in my life I didn’t even want to have an official marriage ceremony? I thought it was unimportant. Yeah that’s how far gone I was but look at the beautiful marriage ceremonies God blessed me with.

As I’ve said before, a godly man knows his wife when he sees her; he will pursue, court and marry her, he doesn’t have time to string her along indefinitely talking about ‘let’s wait and see’, nope! It doesn’t take 5-10 years for him to realize he has found a wife and that realization has absolutely nothing to do with how good she can cook or clean or is in bed. Mrs. Winnie Osagie actually made mention of the fact that ladies who are getting married these days don’t even do those things and I know people will beg to differ but I agree with her totally because I am one of those ladies. I didn’t play wife to get wifed and I didn’t have to do anything extra to make my man know that he had to marry me (remember what I said about godly men?). After being the unofficial wife for many years, I decided I wasn’t going to go down that route anymore and I told myself I wasn’t going to play wife in my next relationship. I didn’t even know I was speaking life into my future (always proclaim the things you want to happen).

Dear sis, beautiful daughter of the King, do you know how valuable you are to God? He loves you so much and also wants you feel that unconditional love through the husband he has set apart for you. It hurts me to see my sisters stuck in the same rut I was in and that’s why I want to reach out and help them get through any such situationships because I know how hard it can be to leave. I want you to know that if you can trust God completely, He will blow your mind in this area. He knows exactly what you need and He will do what exceeds your imagination. I’ve always known in my heart the kind of relationship/marriage I wanted but because I couldn’t fully trust God to give me that, I went ahead and did my own thing, forgetting that God knows the desires of my heart, even the secret ones and what loving father wouldn’t give His daughter the best?

God loves you too much for you to be a mistress, side chick/booty call! I’ll share my booty call/friend-with-benefit story soon…

And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ASV) and that’s why I openly share my struggles and past because look at the good that has come out of it; He brought me out for a purpose, for a time like this so that I can proclaim His love and faithfulness to the world and help other people come out of where I’ve been.

Always rest in the knowledge that God loves you so much and it is never too late to come back home like I did.

Love always,

Mrs. A

If you’re currently going through challenging times and you’d like a listening ear, some encouragement or motivation, please contact me here:



I'm a young wife, an encourager and a writer at heart, walking in my purpose and following God's lead. I’ve got a heart as big as my hips and I love reaching out to people who are hurting or suffering in silence. I know everyone goes through something at some point in life and through my writing, I want to make such people know that no matter who they are or what they go through, they can count on me to be there for them. Follow my journey as I share my life experiences in the hope of making you go a little harder at whatever you do. 💞always. Mrs A the encourager.

6 thoughts on “The Unofficial Wife

  1. My dear darling. You speak for us and do so so beautifully. I know that God will never forsake us and He will give us just as He promised; wether we know what that is or not. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

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