I should be giving you more…
I wanna give my best to you, I wanna do what you ask me to do
I wanna go wherever you say, just say the word and I’ll obey
I wanna live a life that’s real, I wanna serve you Lord for real
For you deserve all this and more, so I give you more
You’re deserving of more…I give you more
-More, Lawrence Flowers
Hello beautiful people!
This is one of my favorite love songs that I like to sing to my Father because He really does deserve the best of me and more. This song probably has no correlation to this post but I felt drawn to it when this piece dropped in my spirit earlier today. Ladies, I’m here for you again today. The reason why I lean towards the ladies so much is because there are a lot of unaddressed emotional issues we go through, on top of that list is our relationship issues and it often leads us to take certain unfavorable or extreme decisions. Some of us are great at sharing our problems with our friends but I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that prevents the rest of us from opening up and a few reasons I’ve come up with are;
- because we are way too judgmental as a people
- we lack empathy- we pretend to care but we don’t really
- & we gossip a lot- when someone confides in us we end up spreading their story to everyone else.
Well this post is not about opening up or sharing your problems, I have rather come to share with you the amazing kind of love that you deserve. My husband said something to me today which is actually the root of this post. It’s not something he has never said to me before, it’s actually something he says all the time but today it just hit me like wow, what a man! You’re wondering what it is that got me huh? Lol it’s just 3 little words, nope not ‘I love you’ but ‘mepaky3w wo se?’ That is Twi (a Ghanaian local dialect) for ‘what did you say, please?’ Again you’re probably wondering what the big deal is about something this little but let me tell you if you’ve been through what I have, you’d appreciate the smallest details too.
That brings me to the heart of this message: respect in relationships. My husband is one of the most polite people I’ve ever known, doesn’t joke with his pleases, sorrys and thank yous. He’s actually one of those people who always say thank you to anyone who provides a service for him, like bus or cab drivers, cleaners, shop attendants or myself the wifey and even though that’s how it’s supposed to be, it still warms my heart each time. Coming from a background of verbally and emotionally abusive relationships, it’s so amazing to be with someone who treats me with respect every single time. As I’ve said before, I’m a very quiet and calm person, and one thing I detest the most is to be shouted at. I really, really dislike being shouted at whether during a misunderstanding or a regular conversation but guess who was getting shouted at constantly? I yearned so much for someone who would be gentle with me and understand me totally, basically treat me with respect but I had become so used to the opposite that I accepted it as normal. What’s worse, I also began to do same. Bad company corrupts good morals, they say, and sometimes certain attributes of the person you’re with begin to rub off on you. Imagine me, sweet spirit and calm soul shouting on top of my voice during arguments (regularly too) just to be heard or to get my point across.
My mom always used to query me about my regular shouting bouts whenever she heard me and I always had the same response for her, ”Do you really think this is what I want for myself?” Oh how I hated it! Look, I don’t even like talking much (I know some people will disagree lol) not to talk of having constant altercations. I yearned so much for peace of mind, for someone who would be gentle with me and understand me completely but I had also come to accept this ridiculous way of life, thinking it was all I had so I just had to ‘manage’ it, as much as I disliked it. The thought of spending the rest of my life being shouted at and disrespected killed me a little inside each time it crossed my mind but I still thought that was it for me & that was my mistake. I really should have walked out sooner because I saw misery-ever-after in the future instead of the happily ever after fairytale ending I wanted. Everyone deserves to be loved, cared for and respected on their own terms, exactly the way they want because we all have different love languages. You never have to ‘manage’, you deserve a love so overwhelming that it literally radiates from you.
I have heard a lot of people project their failures in relationships or marriages on others by generalizing statements like ‘all men cheat’ or ‘men are wicked’. Please, my beautiful daughter of the King, do not be deceived by some of these things you hear. There are still good, no actually, great men out there. When you close your eyes and imagine the kind of love you want, don’t think it’s impossible because there is someone out there who can love you like that. Don’t let anyone make you feel like your desires in a relationship are over the top, there is someone who will fulfill all those and more. The fact that the person you’re with doesn’t treat you with respect doesn’t mean you’re not worth it or no man ever will, you just haven’t met him yet. I implore you dear sis, again to take a step back and analyze your relationship. Please don’t stay for frivolous reasons such as you’ve been together for too long or you’ve invested so much so you can’t leave; if deep down in your heart you know good and well that this is not what you really desire in a relationship and you’re not truly happy as you portray, just fronting for the world like I was, then you seriously need to reconsider.
Can you believe at one point I was with someone who wanted me to get pregnant before marrying me, and at another point with someone who just wanted us to have children together but not get married?
Can you also believe my husband proposed to me without trying to get me pregnant or making me an unofficial wife first? There are men and there are MEN and you deserve the very best sis. I got my fairytale love story and so can you, with God all things are possible.
Ladies, you deserve a godly man who treats you with utmost respect and gives you the exact kind of love you deserve and more!
If you’re currently going through challenging times and you’d like a listening ear, some encouragement or motivation, please contact me here: firstname.lastname@example.org